• Arrive in Portland for a fun weekend getaway (up!)
• Oldest daughter immediately gets sick with a stomach virus (down!)
• Daughter recovers so we visit old friends, eat out, and see the sights (up!)
• Return to Seattle and get stuck in mammoth traffic jams (down!)
• A new work week begins (up?)
• Youngest daughter gets sick with a stomach virus at school, vomits twice at home (down!)
• Daughter still sick the next day but wife volunteers to stay home with her. Daughter recovers (up!)
• I get sick with a stomach virus (down!) but I don’t throw up (up!)
• It snows in Seattle over the weekend (way up!)
• But then it melts and a record-breaking rain storm overwhelms our downspout drain and floods Western Washington (way down!)
• Roto-Rooter clears our downspout drain (up!) but can’t do anything about the regional flooding (down!)
• Wife has birthday and we all go out for dinner and cupcakes (up!)
• Later that night oldest daughter vomits entire stomach contents in bed (down!)
• I’m cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night (way down!)
• The next morning she is fine and goes to school (up!)
• Today, youngest daughter gets knocked down in the school yard, hits head on asphalt, school calls to come pick her up (down!)
• The sky does not fall (up!)

So what next?

JULIA is five and walking alongside her dad, CARRICK. They are holding hands.

JULIA
If I invented something would I write a letter to someone about it?

CARRICK
(amused)
What do you mean?

JULIA
Write a letter about my invention, like what it does and what it looks like. With pictures.

CARRICK
(hesitantly)
I think that would be called a patent application…
Have you invented something?

JULIA
Umm… maybe.

CUT to CLOSE UP of CARRICK’S smirking face which he puts on to disguise the horror he feels within that his young daughter is thinking like an IBM engineer, or worse, a patent attorney.

DISSOLVE

This is her one month ago…

Amazing. I love that little gal.

1. My alma mater now costs two-and-a-half times more than it did my freshman year (1987). Annual tuition plus room and board is $44,160. Cripes.

2. At the local state university, the cost of room and board is more than that for tuition and fees, $8,000 vs. $5,985. (Guess who’s living at home if she chooses to attend the local state university?)

3. By the time my daughters are eligible to enter the local state university, we need to have amassed a pile of savings totaling $111,747, assuming an average inflation rate of 5.94% for college costs which may be on the low side. If they choose my alma matter, bump that savings account up to $704,959. (Holy shit. Guess who’ll need lots of financial aid if she chooses my alma mater?)

4. Undergraduate degree programs ain’t what they used to be, mostly because the students who enter them ain’t what they used to be. There’s a mad consumerist attitude amongst today’s college students, and who can blame them? They are laying out serious cash. How can you lose yourself in the life of the mind while forking over $44,000 a year? How’s an art history major ever going to earn that money back? It’s crazy.

I am alarmed but not totally hopeless. Somehow this will all work out. If you have kids who might go to college someday, and the trend is up in that regard (because everyone knows that a high school education isn’t what it used to be), then you should start saving right now. Look into starting a 529 plan. And have a nice day.

So, how is that, that baby, you know the one, who was, like, born but didn’t have a mother and didn’t have a father, or a sister, was born but, like, there wasn’t anyone else, how did that person get born? You know, like the first baby?

I do believe my jaw went slack. We were discussing all the various groups of siblings that we knew, and which were pairs of girls, which were pairs of boys, who had three girls, and so on, when this existential outburst came forth from my youngest offspring. She really was asking about the origin of the first human because when I asked, “Do you mean, where did people come from?” she nodded quickly with eyes wide open. Susan and I looked at each other with big grins and I said, “Now that’s very good question,” to which Julia smiled in delight that she had amazed us yet again with her uniquely perceptive mind. Of course, the answers, as we tried to explain to both the girls, were not entirely satisfactory, as it is a rather complicated subject and a neat and tidy answer does not this question yield (unless one were to stick to religious dogma and proclaim God’s divine intervention as the truth, the whole truth, and blah blah blah.) Nevertheless, we continued to have a very pleasant meal, buoyed by the lofty ideas and important subjects of our conversation.

It has been said before of Julia that she is a thinker, an acute observer of things both large and small, a sensitive little human with an eerie understanding beyond her years. After tonight, more than ever, I continue to believe these things about her. Lily is the leader, the doer of impossible things, and the brave warrior, while Julia is the philosopher, the psychologist, and the peacemaker. They make an excellent pair.

Me: Because it’s faster to type this way once you learn where the keys are.

Lily: Oh great. How will I ever learn that?

Me: In typing class.

Lily: Oh great. You mean I have to go to first grade, do my homework, go to soccer practice, go to piano lessons, and go to typing lessons?

Me: Well, I learned to type in eighth grade.

Lily: Eighth grade? I can’t wait that long. I’ve got some typing to do right now. Here, you sit here [points to the computer] and type what I tell you…

My six-year-old has been elected by popular vote to the student council.

Fellow citizens, hold fast your children, gather your animals under cover, and lock the doors. This may only be the beginning.

(However, there is some hope that the situation may not be all bad. When questioned as to her motives for running, she stated flatly, “Because you get a special lunch in the commons once a month.”)

This year, there were just a couple of day camps for Lily while Julia continued to go to preschool three days a week. A few small vacations spread throughout the summer made for nice changes of scene. We did good keeping it mellow.

For the last week of summer before school started again, I decided to dip into my vast store of vacation and spend my time with the girls. Susan would be busy at work so I would have them all to myself. I dubbed it “Dad Camp”, a week-long extravaganza of copious amounts of my attention, fun trips around the city, and eating just about anything we wanted (within reason). The girls were thrilled by the idea.

On day one, we spent a lazy Sunday morning doing not much. After lunch it was time to go to the dump. I thought it important for the girls to get some understanding of where the stuff goes that we throw in the garbage. The transfer station is a real education. When we got there, they were hesitant to get out of the car because of the smell and the noise, but once they were out and helping me toss things into the pit, they were having a good time and asking questions. After that it was time for more tradition fun at Lakewood Playfield whereupon we decided it was much too hot and only ice cream could possibly cool us sufficiently. So off to Scoop de Jour we went for a cone of the delicious cold stuff. After that, who could resist the lure of Madison Park Playground? OK, I for one could resist, but, you know, it’s for kids.

The next day, Monday, I did actually go to work. Susan was not working and I needed to button things up for the long haul of being away for the next eight days. Dad Camp officially began Tuesday. The day began lazily, which quickly became the norm. I love a slow start to the day, and the girls fell in step with me and my lazy vibe. That was fun for me. We packed up a lunch and headed to Woodland Park Zoo where we spent the entire afternoon. Wednesday was cooler and not such a good outdoor day so we went to the library and then to West Seattle for Cars at the Admiral Twin. Lily had only been to two movies before and Julia just one, so they were extremely excited to see another, especially this one because their young cousins had really liked it. I love taking them to the movies and sharing the fun of the theater experience. Too bad there are so few good movies to take young kids to these days. After the movie, we went to the Frye Art Museum to see the amazing Klompen. This sound sculpture by Trimpin comprised of 120 wooden clogs that merrily tap out rhythms is not to be missed. The girls loved it. The thing is coin operated so bring some quarters.

Thursday was extra special fun because we got to ride the bus! The girls just love riding the bus. I have to admit that I also love to ride the bus (probably because I do it so rarely these days). We took the number 14 downtown and visited the big library. In addition to looking at books and exploring the building, we saw a puppet show. Did you know I love puppets? True fact. The girls love puppets, too. We were a merry bunch. We felt so merry we walked to Pike Place Market in search of… ice cream. And we found some! In addition to a lot of people milling about. It was very stimulating for the girls to see all those people and little shops and counters and stalls all crammed with food and things and people. The Market is an amazing place. We walked back to the bus stop and Lily spotted a long articulating bus and expressed her desire to ride on one of those. As luck would have it, it was a number 7 and that would get us back home just as well, if not faster, as the number 14. So we raced on board. The girls got busy entertaining themselves by making up silly stories and asking a ton of questions. As we climbed Jackson Street, Julia said loudly and in a silly voice, “Are we in Chinaland?” The African dude behind her laughed and I did too as I corrected her, “It’s Chinatown, silly.” Everyone smiled. After exiting the bus, I announced that to get home we would have to climb up the path where all the blackberries are. They both cheered and started racing toward what we later named “Yummy Hill” because it is covered in the most delicious ripe blackberries you can imagine. We ate our way home. That day also happened to be my birthday but the festivities were scheduled for Sunday, and because Lily had soccer practice and Susan said she would take her there when she got home from work, I ended up cooking my own birthday dinner. Did you know that I don’t cook much? True fact. We had chili and cornbread and I’ll be damned if it wasn’t bad.

Friday was a rather lazy day. In fact, I’m having trouble remembering what we did. We checked out Coulon Park in Renton and decided it sucked. The playground was good but it was in the hot sun and unusable on this day. (Why do park developers put play structures in the sunniest spots? They must not have children.) The rest of the park felt totally devoid of nature. There were signs everywhere that you couldn’t ride a bike or walk your dog? (No dogs!?) Totally weird. When Susan got home we all went out for sushi and to play at Cal Anderson Park on Capitol Hill. Love that place.

The long Labor Day weekend was family time. We hung around the house, did chores (including six loads of laundry), bought school supplies and some new clothes, did the shopping, and went out for a low-key birthday dinner at Hi-Life followed by cake and ice cream at Mom’s. A nice little dip in the lake on the north shore of Seward Park cooled our heals on Monday afternoon.

And then today, the final day of Dad Camp, we wrapped up with some rather unusual (for Dad Camp, that is) errands, including Office Depot for more supplies, G.I. Joe’s for new soccer cleats, and Trader Joe’s. In between all that driving around in the hot car we checked in with Susan at her new school to help with last minute preparations. Tomorrow, the new school year begins and we go back to our busy busy schedules. Summer comes to a close. And it was a nice summer, indeed.